


Pendulum

by warmachine



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Comfort, Established Relationship, Kissing, M/M, Manic Episode
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:41:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22021216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warmachine/pseuds/warmachine
Summary: Shadow stared at him incredulously, appearing legitimately perplexed by everything Sonic had told him. “You’ve been awake fortwenty-eight hours?”Sonic frowned. “Yeah… I guess I have. Why do you keep asking me all this stuff?”Shadow closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before he spoke again. “I’m worried about you.”Sonic experiences a manic episode, staying awake for ages, impulsively doing things, what have you. Shadow notices that something’s not quite right the longer this goes on, and tries to figure out what’s happening and how to support Sonic.End notes (ch. 2) updated 2020/03/23
Relationships: Shadow the Hedgehog/Sonic the Hedgehog
Comments: 26
Kudos: 127





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have been working on this for almost FOUR MONTHS, i myself have had two manic episodes since i started writing it so like. god
> 
> the summary is quite bad this time... i apologize for that.
> 
> i have a lot more written than what i am posting here, but it isn't done yet and i have some more in-between stuff to add in before it is all. Chronological and Fitting Together
> 
> but, i really like what i have so far (and the stuff i'm not posting yet), and it's quite important to me given i suffer from bipolar. so despite not wanting to split this up in to chapters i really wanted to post some of it so i can share it (and once again maybe feel more motivated to finish it haha). it's meant a lot to me to explore this concept with sonic!
> 
> thanks for your interest! i hope you like it.

Sonic had been feeling _great_ lately. Dealing with Eggman’s garbage was a breeze, not even making him remotely nervous; he’d even decided to take down his base the other day, on a whim, busting right through the front door and causing a great deal of damage singlehandedly before Tails caught up to him. He’d fussed at Sonic for being reckless, or whatever, which Sonic found frustrating. He was doing fine! He could obviously handle himself, and fighting like that had felt _good_. Everything he did lately just felt so good.

Today, though, he was hanging out with Shadow, both of them sitting outside this café Sonic had recently discovered. Sonic didn’t have caffeine super frequently—he found that it made him jittery—but today, he’d decided to go for it anyway, because it tasted good. He kicked his legs back and forth in his chair, pausing his talking to drink a little more of iced latte before going right back to what he was saying.

“And since they were having that sale I got, like, five boxes of them,” he told Shadow, his sentences coming out rapid-fire. “And Tails was like ‘Sonic, what are we gonna do with five bulk boxes of granola bars? How much did you spend on these?’ Like, _eat them_? I’ll eat them all eventually! I’ll eat them all myself if I have to! And that reminds me!” He paused to take a breath. “I don’t understand why on cooking blogs or whatever people always talk for ten paragraphs about their life story before they tell you the actual recipe. Why did you feel the need to tell me about, like, every time you’ve made your own granola bars in your entire life? And how you didn’t used to like them or whatever until you had this weird granola bar awakening? I don’t get it.” He took another breath and stopped talking once more to drink his coffee, glancing around at everything that was going on across the table behind Shadow. “Oh, that’s another thing I wanted to try,” he commented suddenly, regarding someone’s drink at another table nearby, his granola bar thoughts forgotten. He sat still, thinking in silence for just a second before he made eye contact with Shadow again. “That mocha, I think? It’s like… peppermint or somethin’….” Sonic trailed off there, losing his train of thought out of nowhere once more. He was about to start talking about something new when he noticed Shadow was staring at him, kind of pointedly… and, now that Sonic thought about it, he hadn’t done much but just _look_ at him for a while now.

“What?” Sonic huffed. “Why are you giving me that look?”

Shadow crossed his arms before he spoke. “I can’t remember the last time I heard you talk so quickly.”

“Oh. Really? Well, I guess I just….” Sonic trailed off once more time, having gotten distracted by the stuff behind Shadow again. His attention was soon recaptured, though, when he heard the other hedgehog sigh.

What had they been talking about…?

“Are you okay?” Shadow asked him in a rather skeptical tone. “Are you anxious about something?”

“No,” Sonic replied plainly. “I feel really good, actually.”

Another sigh from Shadow. “How long have you been awake? When did all these things happen that you’ve been talking about?”

“Ummm….” Sonic thought about this. It had been yesterday, right? No, he realized, not all of it had. “Um… I saw last night that we ran out of granola bars, so I was like, ‘Okay, maybe I can just make some myself,’ so I was looking around at recipes….” He glanced away from Shadow, squishing his plastic cup absentmindedly while he thought some more. “And it was so weird how every site was like that, you know, with all the stuff they write before they tell you what to do. So I was like, ‘I can’t focus on this, I’ll just go buy some later.’ And then I just kinda did different stuff until the store was open. So I got them this morning. And when Tails woke up he was like ‘What’s with all these boxes?’ like I said. And then I ate, like, four of them—the granola bars—and then I remembered I was seeing you later today and I got really excited about that and tried to do some more stuff to kill the time until then. But that was really hard because I couldn’t really focus on anything.” He nodded conclusively. “Yeah, I think that’s everything I did.”

Shadow blinked at him. “You’ve been up since yesterday?”

“Umm….” Why did Shadow keep _looking_ at him like that? “Yeah. I think I woke up at eleven-something yesterday morning.”

Shadow stared at him incredulously, appearing legitimately perplexed by everything Sonic had told him. “You’ve been awake for _twenty-eight hours_?”

Sonic frowned. “Yeah… I guess I have. Why do you keep asking me all this stuff?”

Shadow closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before he spoke again. “I’m worried about you.”

“Why?” Sonic tilted his head, curious. It wasn’t often that Shadow explicitly told people he was worried about them, and Sonic couldn’t think of what was bad enough for Shadow to tell him that now.

“Chaos, Sonic, do you _really_ think it’s fine that you’re not sleeping? And that you can’t focus? That you keep buying all these things?”

“I mean….” Sonic started kicking his legs again, having begun to feel agitated under all this scrutiny. “When you put it _that_ way, it sounds bad… but I feel good. And I’ve been getting a lot done.”

Shadow let out another sigh, but didn’t press the matter more. Sonic tried not to think too much of it, finishing off the rest of his latte before returning to his rambling.

* * *

In the days that followed, Sonic’s restlessness started to become more and more obvious to Shadow. He constantly wanted to go out and do lots of stuff with him, all the while talking so fast and jumping from subject to subject. And if Shadow wanted to comment on something Sonic had said, or something they were doing together, he didn’t even get the chance to do _that_ —that’s the speed at which Sonic would change subjects. Sometimes he even got overwhelmed, telling Shadow he was anxious from his mind racing so much; that he wanted to do, like, five different things with his energy, but couldn’t focus on anything for long enough.

Today, though, he seemed a little strange. Strange _r_. He’d shown up at Shadow’s door, completely without warning, at _seven in the morning_ , which was vastly different from how he’d been the other times. He always established a specific time to meet up, or at the very least told Shadow he was coming. But, not this time, and Shadow was a bit concerned as to why.

“I brought some of my granola bars,” Sonic announced as he walked inside, and, sure enough, he was carrying an entire box of them. What’s more, he really _had_ bought them in bulk—it was a box of sixty-four. Shadow had to suppress what felt like the millionth sigh over the past week or so.

“Tails told me to take them with me and share them with you since he doesn’t think I can eat them all myself before they expire,” he explained, speaking quickly again while he walked over and set them down on the counter. “Even though I know you don’t eat much.” He turned to face Shadow again. “What have you been up to today?”

“I—“ Shadow tilted his head with bewilderment. “It’s seven o’clock.”

“Yeah, but you usually don’t really need to sleep, right?”

“No,” confirmed Shadow, “but I still _rest_ at night. I was reading before you got here.”

“Oh, cool,” Sonic replied, almost dismissively, like he’d already lost interest in what they were talking about. Shadow held back yet another sigh, gesturing over to his couch before Sonic could launch another rambling collection of thoughts.

“Sooo,” Sonic started again, once they were sitting, “I was looking at recipes again last night, and….”

He hadn’t slept again. Great.

This was going to be a long day.

* * *

Sonic had pushed Shadow down on the couch, on to his back, and was busy drowning him in a barrage of kisses. Sonic had his hands planted in the cushion on either side of Shadow’s arms as he kissed him, letting out a quiet _mmh_ when he felt Shadow’s hands come up to rest against the sides of his face. Shadow tilted his head a bit more to the side so he could kiss Sonic more deeply, and soon Sonic was shuddering at the feeling of Shadow’s tongue against his lips. He opened his mouth just enough let Shadow in, another tremor going through his body as Shadow explored his mouth, slowly, it all feeling better than it usually did. Sonic couldn’t figure out why.

This continued for a while. Both of them had started letting out little moans, here and there, and it all felt _so good_ to Sonic. He got increasingly desperate the longer they kissed, finally stopping only to catch his breath, heart pounding.

“Shadow,” he breathed, pulling away some to get a look at Shadow’s face. Shadow opened his eyes to meet Sonic’s gaze, unspeaking, his cheeks flushed and his breathing a bit heavy.

He looked really nice.

“Shadow,” Sonic repeated. He felt weak, suddenly, like a bunch of tiredness had abruptly caught up to him, and after a moment he moved down to settle against Shadow’s chest, his cheek resting on him. Sonic sighed, and his eyes fell closed as his breathing became more regular.

“Shadow, I…” he said, voice quiet. “I’m so….”

He trailed off, Shadow’s voice sounding distant as he responded with a _hmm?_

“I’m so tired,” he whispered.

And then the world slipped away as he fell asleep for the first time in almost thirty hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you've made it to the end here, thank you very much for reading ;__;
> 
> i will do my very best to finish this up and post the rest in a Timely Fashion! i've actually fallen back in to a depressive episode now but i've been feeling a little more motivated lately. ~~and i have recovered from my mental breakdown that i mentioned on my other fic so i'm back on track Babey~~
> 
> i love hearing what people think of my work or even just that people have read it at all so please feel welcome to comment, hmu on [twitter](https://twitter.com/prjshadow) or [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/prjshadow) if you'd like! you don't have to though of course.
> 
> thanks again for reading! ♡
> 
> * * *
> 
> tune in next time for such content as this:
> 
> “Good morning,” Shadow said plainly as he closed his book and looked over at Sonic.
> 
> Sonic made an unintelligible sound in response, then fell in to silence for a few moments before he spoke up again. “What time is it?” Chaos, his voice sounded terrible.
> 
> “About seven thirty,” Shadow responded. “A.M.”
> 
> “Eeh…” Sonic groaned. “I thought I’d been here for longer.”
> 
> “You got here at seven.” Shadow turned to put his book down before turning back to face Sonic again. “Yesterday morning.” He punctuated his statement with a definitive sip of his coffee.
> 
> see u next chapter!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I WROTE ANOTHER CHAPTER!!! which i think is quite good given how horrific this depressive episode i'm in has been
> 
> i hope it's all right. i also hope the people who commented looking forward to an update see this.. i have no idea if people get notified.. jsdfklsjd
> 
> anyway thanks for checkin out the 2nd chapter Babey!! hope y'all like it okay ;;

It was still light outside when Sonic woke again, and he sat up with a groan, looking around groggily when he realized he was still on the couch and Shadow had moved to the other end. Shadow was drinking coffee with one hand, a book held in his other, and it took him a moment to notice Sonic had woken up.

“Good morning,” Shadow said plainly as he closed his book and looked over at Sonic.

Sonic made an unintelligible sound in response, then fell in to silence for a few moments before he spoke up again. “What time is it?” Chaos, his voice sounded terrible.

“About seven thirty,” Shadow responded. “A.M.”

“Eeh…” Sonic groaned. “I thought I’d been here for longer.”

“You got here at seven.” Shadow turned to put his book down before turning back to face Sonic again. “Yesterday morning.” He punctuated his statement with a definitive sip of his coffee.

“Oh.” Sonic rubbed his eyes, silent once again. His hands flew back down when what Shadow said finally registered in his brain. “Wait, what?”

“You fell asleep on me.” Shadow paused for a moment, seeming to examine Sonic briefly before he resumed speaking. “How long had you been awake?”

“Jeez, I don’t know.” Sonic ran a hand through his quills. “It was all day yesterday. I mean—the day before yesterday.”

“Sonic…” Shadow sighed. “You can’t keep doing this.”

Sonic looked away from Shadow. He… knew he couldn’t let this continue. He knew it, and, yet, at the same time, it felt so much better than the alternative. When he was like this, he actually got stuff done; he won fights, managed to stay awake, had motivation to go out and _do_ things. And, people tended to tell him “You’re doing so well!”

He felt… useful? When he was like this.

“I’d rather be like this than feel so down all the time,” he muttered.

Shadow was quiet, too, for a minute or so, seeming to consider what to say.

“Maria used to get depressed, sometimes, being on ARK,” he said, finally, choosing his words carefully. “But, when she did, she’d still make sure to acknowledge her accomplishments, no matter how small they were.” He looked down at his coffee with a small smile, and Sonic glanced back up at him when he paused again. “Managing to get up and eat in the morning, for example; she’d be proud of herself for doing that, instead of being critical of herself for having trouble.” Shadow nodded. “Seeing her with that mentality, with that optimism, has helped me be kinder to myself. And, I think you should be kinder to yourself, too.”

“Shadow….” Sonic smiled sheepishly with a soft _heh_. “I’ll never not be surprised when you get all insightful like this.” He scooted close, next to Shadow, now, reaching out to rest his hand on Shadow’s knee. “Thanks.”

Shadow’s smile widened just a tad, his gaze still fixed on his coffee. “I just want you to know you’re not any less good or valued when you’re struggling. I don’t assure you of that enough.”

Sonic moved his hand up to touch the side of Shadow’s arm, tugging him a degree closer as he leaned over to kiss his cheek. “I’ll try to keep that in mind.”

Both of them were silent after that, and while Sonic leaned against Shadow, he felt calmer than he had in… weeks, honestly. For once, his mind wasn’t racing, and he wasn’t as restless. He just felt Shadow. He was just focusing on Shadow.

It was going to be all right, he thought.

* * *

Shadow was sitting next to Sonic, on his couch again, later that same day. He was running his fingers over the back of Sonic’s hand, trying to be calming as Sonic took deep breaths.

He’d been relatively relaxed for most of the morning, but now his mind was racing, making him anxious, and Shadow was attempting to help him settle down again.

They’d talked that morning about how Sonic had been feeling—Shadow had had somewhat of an idea, just based on his behavior, but it was helpful to hear specifics from Sonic. So, he’d started thinking about ways to help him: finding ways to occupy Sonic when he couldn’t focus, or was overwhelmed with thoughts; methods to hopefully get him to _actually sleep_ ; making mental notes to ensure Sonic was thinking things through instead of being impulsive.

He really wanted to help. He tended to hesitate when it came to being openly supportive, so to speak—it was pathetically easy for him to overthink how to approach people, even Sonic, but… he wanted to try. Sonic really needed it.

However, he didn’t think he’d need to get going so suddenly.

“I can’t think straight,” Sonic groaned, pressing his free hand to the side of his head, pulling Shadow from his thoughts. “It’s like there’s a hundred different things I want to do at once.”

“Try to focus on one thing,” Shadow offered. “Look at me. Keep breathing.”

Sonic’s attention was drawn to Shadow when Shadow reached up with his other hand to gently take his wrist. He let him brig his arm back down, and Shadow shifted his hand to hold Sonic’s, just as delicately as he was with his other.

“Okay,” whispered Sonic, smiling weakly, breaths slowly evening out again.

Shadow stayed quiet as Sonic seemed to settle, and his thoughts transitioned back to ideas on how to keep Sonic grounded and mindful while he was so… frenetic. They were interrupted rather abruptly, though, by Sonic lifting their hands up, leaning closer, that smile of his still on his face.

“I think this is one thing I can focus on,” he murmured, next leaning forward, pressing his lips lightly against Shadow’s. Shadow hesitated at first, cautious, but he soon reciprocated when he felt Sonic sigh and relax against him. They kissed softly, slowly, and Sonic let go of Shadow’s hands to move them up and press them against the sides of his face. Before too long he’d shifted over to straddle Shadow’s lap, pushing Shadow against the back of the couch with a small noise.

Shadow broke their kiss then, looking at Sonic with moderate concern. “Are you okay? Still restless?”

“I’m very okay now,” Sonic breathed, smirking. “Feeling good. Thinking about you.”

“Okay.” Shadow moved his hands to rest them against Sonic’s sides, and he let Sonic resume kissing him, still slow and careful, Sonic’s breathing remaining even. It was nice. It was good he was managing.

Shadow found himself starting to get breathless, actually, the longer they continued. Sonic had started out little sighs, little almost-moans, his hands falling from Shadow’s face to wander along his torso. His touch was tender, warm, gradually progressing downward to Shadow’s hips, then his thighs, drifting over the inside of them. Shadow had to suppress a shudder, a restrained _mmn_ coming from him instead. He felt Sonic laugh against his lips before pulling back just enough to whisper “yeah, let me hear more,” as he slid his hands just slightly further up Shadow’s thighs.

So Shadow let himself get louder, and Sonic’s breaths got heavier, his movements more vigorous, his kisses wetter. Both of them got lost in the sensations; lost in each other. Sonic started mumbling how good he felt between kisses, breathless, and all Shadow could get himself to respond with with was “me, too”.

He felt good. Sonic felt good. His mind had quieted down.

They both felt things were looking up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks ... for reading! and sticking with me
> 
> i hope to keep writing this at a good pace.
> 
> & again you can find me on twitter at [@prjshadow](https://twitter.com/prjshadow) and curiouscat [here](https://curiouscat.me/prjshadow) if you wanna talk or anything ♡
> 
> please feel free to comment here and tell me your thoughts also if you'd like!
> 
> thank you again for reading and for your interest ♡
> 
> * * *
> 
>  **note 2020/03/23:** my health has been pretty bad for a while so i am unsure when i will be able to finish this. i want to with all my heart! so i'll persevere, and hopefully i can continue writing soon. i apologize for the lack of updates.


End file.
